Mary McCleary (1913-2005)

Early years

There are many questions about my mother’s early years that may never be answered, and there are few photos or documents associated with her.  What is known is that she was born on December 5, 1913 in Manhattan to Irish immigrants Hugh McCleary and Mary Anne Harte.

Her family moved frequently, sometimes only a few blocks away.  There is no record of her father, Hugh, after the 1920 census.  In the next year, in March 1923, her four-year-old brother Joseph was killed by a commercial truck in the street outside his apartment building.

Mary’s mother suffered the deaths of five of her seven children and the death of her husband by the time she was only 42 years old, the emotional effect on on her must have been devastating.

Mary McCleary, 14, with her mother Mary Ann circa 1927 in Union Vale, Dutchess County, NY. Mary Ann returned to Ireland for seven years to care for her ill parents. Her daughter, Mary, never spoke of this long absence.

In 1924, at 10 years old, Mary was enrolled as a boarding student in the Ursuline Academy in Middletown, New York, almost 100 miles from Manhattan. She remained a boarding student there until 1932, spending summers and school vacations with her mother and Aunt Alice in Union Vale, Dutchess County, New York.  Alice lived with her husband Patrick Quinlan on his farm there. It must have been overwhelming for a young girl in those early years to experience such tragic events, and then be asked to start a new life at a distant school without family or friends nearby.  Her mother returned to Ireland in 1930 when Mary was 17, remaining there until 1936.  My mother never spoke of this time in her life.

Mary McCleary with her Aunt Alice (circa 1940) with four of the Gackstatter siblings that came to live on the farm in 1932 in Union Vale, Dutchess County, N.Y.

Mary’s mother certainly was in no financial position to afford the expenses of tuition, room, and board at such a school as the Ursuline Academy.  It is likely that her admission and subsequent expenses of attending were sponsored by the sibling sisters Pauline Corwin Hartford and Louise Corwin McKelvy.  The Corwin sisters were members of a prominent Middletown family.  Mary’s Aunt Alice served for over 10 years as Family Nurse to Louise Corwin McKelvy’s two children at their home in Easton, Pennsylvania.  Pauline Corwin Hartford lived with her sister’s family throughout this period.  During those years, Alice became more like a family member than an employee.  In tribute to their affection for Alice, perhaps the sisters Corwin became the benefactors of Alice’s niece, my mother Mary, throughout her years at the Ursuline Academy. 

Faith in God

During her formative years, my mother developed a deep faith in God as a practicing Catholic, which she maintained throughout her life. No doubt the Ursuline sisters had a huge influence on her beliefs. She always had a rosary in hand at Mass on Sundays.  Her special devotion was to the Infant of Prague, which offered a divine promise: “The more you honor Me, the more I will bless you.”  This deep faith would be her anchor in the years to come.

Mary MCleary, age 22 with her dog, Pal, in Union Vale, Dutchess County, NY, 1935.

A Romance and a Wedding

In 1938, Mary began working at the Harlem Valley State Hospital in Wingdale, New York, driving herself to work each day in her Ford V-8 sedan. She was living with her mother and now widowed aunt on Alice’s farm.  She loved the animals and belonging to an extended family, which included five foster children, all siblings, who had come to live with Alice from New York City in 1932.

During this time a new road, which she took daily to work, was under construction. Often, she would pause and speak to the young man who was an engineer on the project.  Being a natural extrovert, she looked forward to the conversations and bantering with Tony Pasquariello.  These interactions led to a romance, courtship, and marriage on November 21, 1940.

Young and in love: Peggy’s mother and father, Mary and Tony Pasquariello, circa 1940. Union Vale, Dutchess County, NY.

Life in the Navy

After a brief northern wedding trip, Tony reported for active duty as a commissioned officer in the United States Navy. He was assigned a position in Crane, Indiana and Mary moved for the first time out of state to join her husband. World War II had begun and this munitions base was a growing and important part of the war effort.

Mary McCleary married Anthony Pasquariello on November 21, 1940 in Sylvan Lake, New York. After the ceremony, 50 guests attended a wedding breakfast at Hotel Campbell. The sweet and simple prewar bride wore a white satin gown made princess style with a full length veil that attached to a coronet. She carried a bouquet of calla lilies.

While they were in Indiana, Mary and Tony started their family. They had two girls: Rose Marie, born June 5, 1941; and Alice Ann, born November 29, 1942. Again, lots of change and new demands were placed on my mother, including a new husband, a new home, a new state, and two children, born a mere eighteen months apart. Alice, her second daughter, was born with a congenital heart condition.  At that time there had not been enough successful research to discover a solution. So, uncertainty again shadowed Mary’s life in those early married years.

Mother and Grandmother

After my father’s assignment was completed, they moved back to Connecticut and settled in Torrington.  Two more children arrived again in quick succession: Anthony Andrew, born October 26, 1945; and Margaret (me), born August 19, 1947.

My mother’s world was now consumed with four children, as her husband established his own construction equipment company in Torrington. She was a homemaker of the 1950s, making her family her first priority and never working outside the home.  She was loving, fun, caring, and optimistic.  Never having the mothering that she needed as a child, she somehow intuitively knew how to love unconditionally.  She loved parties and punctuated all our milestones (birthdays, graduations, showers, and weddings) with celebrations. My sisters, brother and I loved her deeply.

As her children grew up, married, and began their families, she welcomed each new grandchild into the world. She had 10 grandchildren: Margot and Kathryn Zaharek; Shawn and Heather Abetz; Lisa, Tony, and Amy Pasquariello; and Marc, Michael, and Elizabeth Holtman. These grandchildren adored her as well.

Tony, her husband, died at age 70 in 1981 and Mary lived another 24 years.  Being a grandmother was her finest role and she relished every minute spent with her family.  Mary died, surrounded by her loving children, in 2005 at age 91.

Lessons from my Mother

My mother endured many hardships and adversities throughout her life.  She taught us how important it is to have faith and to believe that with God’s guidance, we will survive.  This foundation of faith created a spirit of optimism.  She was genuinely happy, and despite her fractured family life as a child, she created a family with much love and affection. She died surrounded by her loving family.  Her motto “where there is a will, there is a way,” which she said often, tells us that we can choose to be happy despite life’s setbacks and that we are never alone when we believe that God is with us always.

Mary Ann Harte McCleary (1880-1963)

l to r: Mary Ann Harte with Husband, Hugh and sister Alice Harte, NYC (c. 1907)

My maternal grandmother was born on October 4, 1880 in Kilcosey, Dromahaire, County Leitrim, Ireland, to Farmers John Harte and Alice McGolric. Mary married Hugh McCleary on a date unknown and had two sons, John in 1903 and Hugh in 1907 while living in County Leitrim.  Husband Hugh emigrated to New York City two months before his namesake son was born.  Mary, John, and infant Hugh later emigrated to join her husband in Manhattan, arriving there on October 11, 1907.

While America offered the promise of optimism and opportunity, these notions eluded my grandmother. Two months after arriving, John, four years old, died in Manhattan. What transpired in the next three years seems unfathomable in today’s world.  Mary bore and lost three children:

• Elizabeth, born 25 September (1908) and died nine days later

• Agnes, born 27 November (1909) and died the same day

• Joseph, born 25 December (1911) and succumbed two hours later

It is unclear why four-year-old John died shortly after his arrival. Did he contract an illness on the voyage to America, or die as a result of the flu and tuberculosis, which were the leading causes of death at that time? Giving birth was also a dangerous process during this period. Many women gave birth at home with midwives or practitioners who possessed little medical knowledge. Severe bacterial infections led to most of the deaths. More than 150 out of every 1,000 children under the age of one died each year in the United States. Broader health issues, unsafe drinking water, contaminated food, and poor nutrition accounted for the short lives of these children.

As if these deaths weren’t enough to bear, more tragedy followed.  Her next son, whom she again named Joseph, born after my mother, Mary (born in 1913), was killed while crossing 8th Avenue in 1923. Born in 1919, he was a mere 4 years old.  At this time, cars contributed to many deaths with inexperienced drivers who had to share the road with horses, trolleys, and pedestrians. In this case, it was a commercial truck that killed the youngster. The New Daily News on April 21, 1923, noted that “Because there was no park near his home at Twenty-fourth Street and Eighth Avenue, Joseph McCleary, four, sought adventure in the street.”

After arriving in Manhattan, Mary had lost five of her seven children before they reached the age of five. More tragic is the fact that after the 1920 census, there is no mention of Hugh. There are two family narratives regarding his absence.  The first is that he died in a train accident at work; the second is that he abandoned his family.  In either case, Mary was left with two children and no apparent income.

In 1924, Mary Harte (44) married a much younger man, Daniel Emerick (19). After marrying in Manhattan, she moved next door to her sister Alice and Patrick Quinlan in Dover, Dutchess County, with her daughter, Mary. The marriage was short-lived and Mary soon returned alone to the farm in County Leitrim.  At this time, son Hugh was 23 and living in New York City.  Daughter Mary became a resident student at the Ursuline Academy in Middletown, New York, most likely living with her aunt Alice during the summers.

 With her parents passing, John Harte (76) and Alice Harte (85), Mary Sr. returned to Dover in 1936.  She lived in a small cottage, which she called the bungalow, prefabricated and purchased from the Sears Roebuck Catalog. She remained there until her death in 1963. 

Much of my grandmother’s life is a mystery to me.  I always thought that my mother had two brothers, the older Hugh and the younger Joseph.  I never knew of the second marriage and was always puzzled as to why my grandmother would leave her two living children in America and return to Ireland.

My memories of my grandmother are sketchy, as well.  She had a thick Irish brogue, drank strong tea, and smoked.  She appeared cantankerous to me and did not have much to say.  As a child, she was difficult to warm up to.  Now with the wisdom that comes with age and the knowledge of her life’s context, I have a different take.  Mary Harte endured and endured.  She did not talk about the past. I am not sure what kept her going.  Perhaps her faith.  Her motto, if she had one, might be “better left unsaid.”

The benefits of ancestry research today unveiled a tragic story for me, a story about my grandmother, Mary Ann Harte McCleary, that changed my perspective to a most empathetic point of view.

What can we learn from this petite 5-foot-3 woman, barely 100 lbs. who mentally and physically experienced some of life’s most crushing events?  Perhaps this: “When walking through Hell, keep walking.”

The baby in the picture is me, held by my godmother. We’re standing in front of Mary Sr.’s “bungalow” in Union Vale, Dutchess County, N.Y., September 1947. The house was built from a mail order kit, circa 1937. Sears sold about 70,000 homes from 1908-1940 and offered 370 house designs in their catalog. Many other companies sold these kit houses on a national level during this time. The name “Sears Kit Home” became a generic label for these kit homes.

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Alice Elizabeth Harte (1883-1966)

My maternal aunt, Alice Elizabeth Harte, has been an inspiration throughout my adult life. Her story is personal to me, but I believe it is an example of the never-give-up attitude that is characteristic of so many immigrants who came to America and became part of the country's fabric. 

Like so many others from around the world, during the last part of the 19th century and into the beginning of the 20th century over four million Irish immigrated to the United States seeking a better life. One of them was Alice Elizabeth Harte. On October 5, 1904, Alice, 21 years old with five dollars in her pocket and one suitcase, arrived in New York City. The ship's manifest noted Alice's occupation as "Servant," but for the US District Attorney of New York, Henry Wise and family, she was deemed a "nurse" to the family children.

On October 5, 1904, 21-year-old Alice Elizabeth Harte arrived New York City with five dollars in her pocket and one suitcase. Like so many other young female Irish immigrants, she became a “nurse” (nanny) to many wealthy families. She is pictured here with the McKelvy children in Easton, PA.

Alice the “Nurse,” AKA Beloved Nanny

By 1920, Alice was working for the Frank McKelvy family in Easton, Pennsylvania. Frank McKelvy was the First Vice President of the Alpha Portland Cement Company. Alice was beloved by the McKelvy family, especially by their daughter Louise, known as "Weedie." 

By 1927, Alice had moved to Union Vale in Dutchess County, New York, to be closer to her sister, and my grandmother, Mary Harte McCleary. In October 1927 Alice married a widowed farmer, Patrick Quinlan. Patrick had been married to Margaret McGolric Stanton, a second cousin of Alice and Mary Harte and who came from their same village in Ireland. Alice was back to living a farmer's life.

Aunt Alice (circa 1940) with four of the five Gackstatter siblings that came to live on the Union Vale, Dutchess County N.Y. farm in 1932. Also pictured is Peggy’s mother, Mary McCleary.

Alice the Foster Mother

Never having children of her own, she and Patrick became foster parents to five siblings whose father and mother had abandoned them in a New York City apartment. This was the Depression Era, and sometimes people committed cruel and drastic acts in order to survive. Others did what they could to help those who were disadvantaged. Alice worked with the Catholic Charities organization to ensure these city children could remain together as brothers and sisters. 

Sadly, in 1937 Patrick Quinlan died tragically in an accident on the farm. Their marriage had lasted a brief ten years. After Patrick's passing, Alice continued to live on the farm. She eventually worked as a seamstress at the Harlem Valley State Hospital nearby.

Alice the Networker

Alice was always willing and eager to help others. My favorite story of Aunt Alice is how she helped my father start his business. Anthony Pasquariello started his own company, Cesco Steel, in Torrington, Connecticut in 1947, the year I was born. This was a steel distribution and construction company and to get started properly, my father needed some supply companies with whom to establish a continuing relationship. At that time, the largest and most impressive company was the Bethlehem Steel Company in Bethlehem, Pennsylvania. How could Alice Harte possibly help my father? 

It turns out that her former McKelvy charge, Louise "Weedie" McKelvy, was now the wife of James Walker, the CFO of Bethlehem Steel. An introduction from Alice to Walker opened the door to a long relationship where Cesco Steel provided customers a wide range of steel products from Bethlehem Steel for many years. Alice knew a thing or two about networking before there was a name for it!

Lessons from my Great Aunt Alice

Alice Harte died in 1966 at 83 years old, in Duchess County, New York. She left a small inheritance to my mother. Alice's legacy and life lesson is to never give up—to adapt to whatever obstacle appears. Her grit and grace are the gifts she left me and my family, and generations to come.

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Hugh McCleary (1873- )

The Family Mystery

Hugh McCleary was my maternal grandfather. I only have one photograph and a few items that document his life, which include a manifest document for his arrival in America and his World War I draft registration card, as well as a few census documents.

What I do know is that Hugh McAlarey (later McCleary) was born in 1873, in Ireland, and married my grandmother, Mary Ann Harte on New Year’s Eve, 1902 in Glasgow, Scotland. He and my grandmother were living in Scotland at the time with his occupation listed as a Locomotive Stoker while Mary Ann identified as a Collar Dresser.  The marriage document also lists his parents as Hugh McAlarey, a Coachman, and Elizabeth McLister McAlarey and Mary Ann’s parents as John Hart, Farmer, and Alice McGoldbrick Hart. 

Their first child, John, was born in Glasgow, Scotland on September 24, 1903.  A second son, Hugh was born in Ireland in 1907.

Hugh Sr. emigrated alone to the United States, arriving in New York City on November 7, 1906. His intended destination was to the address of Mary’s sister, Alice Harte, at 510 West 21 Street, Manhattan. Mary, John, and Hugh Jr. followed to the same Manhattan address almost a year later, arriving in New York on 29 September 1907.

Tragedy Hits

During the next several years, there was constant change and disruption. Records show that Mary and Hugh moved frequently, often just a few blocks. They suffered the loss of their four-year-old, who died two months after his family’s arrival, and later, three additional infants died shortly after their birth. My mother, Mary, must have been a great joy when she was born on December 5, 1913. Another strong baby, Joseph, was born in 1919, only to be killed in the street by a commercial truck in 1923. Of Hugh and Mary’s seven children, only two survived past four years old, and they lived into their 80’s and 90’s.

Hugh, handsome with dark hair and gray eyes, was 5’10, considered tall for a man at that time. For many years, he worked as a “Stationary Fireman” for the New York Central Railroad, 30th Street Yard, NYCRR, an important freight train facility which was later known and Hudson Yards.

While he registered for the draft at age 38 in September of 1918, he never served, since World War I ended in November of that same year. After the census of 1920, there are no more traces of Hugh.  Family members have different stories, one that he died at work due to a train accident; others have said he abandoned his family.  I have never been able to locate his death certificate.

Whatever the reason, one fact remains clear: There now was no father figure in the McCleary household, leaving his wife with three children and no income.

Lessons from Hugh

What can we learn from a life with little information and one photograph?  I believe Hugh was an immigrant who sought a better life for his family in America. He was steadily employed in a job at the railroad during a time when wages were low and unemployment high.  Dutifully, he registered for the draft. 

But stories do not always have a happy or defined ending. Dreams do not always come true.  Hugh never saw his children grow up and become parents. Sadly, he never lived to meet his eight grandchildren.   The dream had to be postponed; it was realized in the next generation when Hugh’s grandchildren grew up healthy, received an education, became loving parents, and finally, inheritors of the American dream.

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